by JAMES TARANTO
Friday, October 20, 2006 2:59 P.M. EDT

Best of the Tube Tonight: Watch us on "Lou Dobbs Tonight" where we'll appear as part of a "political roundtable." The show starts at 6 p.m., with a repeat showing tomorrow at 4 a.m., and we expect to be on in the second half-hour.

I Aporogize for My Nucurar Test
"North Korean leader Kim Jong Il expressed regret about his country's nuclear test to a Chinese delegation," the Associated Press reports:

"If the U.S. makes a concession to some degree, we will also make a concession to some degree, whether it be bilateral talks or six-party talks," Kim was quoted as telling a Chinese envoy, the mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo reported, citing a diplomatic source in China.

Kim told the Chinese delegation that "he is sorry about the nuclear test," the newspaper reported.

Blogger "China Hand" theorizes that "North Korea's ballistic missile and nuclear antics are an effort to demand attention, respect, and assistance from the PRC," the People's Republic of China:

North Korea's weapons programs are meant to discommode China with the threat of a Asian arms race and the specter of Japan becoming a pro-active regional security force with US backing, and remind Beijing of the necessity of advancing North Korea's interests on the world stage--in this particular case, getting China to support lifting some onerous U.S. financial sanctions.

Well, I believe China's looked at its options and opportunities and decided that the best riposte to North Korea's nuclear program is to strip Pyongyang of its independence in national defense and foreign affairs--in other words, assert virtually the same suzerainty that China imposed on the peninsula before the Japanese occupation in 1895.

If true, Kim must be feeling awfully ronery, and this would explain Kim's abjection before Beijing. Hand also argues that China has become increasingly friendly with South Korea: "In Beijing's plans for a prosperous, pro-Chinese Korean peninsula, cooperation with the South Korean powerhouse looms large." China is now South Korea's biggest trading partner, and anti-American sentiment has been growing in the south.

"What I believe China wants is a North Korean regime that is profoundly isolated, helpless, and totally reliant on Chinese good offices to survive," Hand adds. "By this reading, the United States could profit from the estrangement between China and North Korea by embarking on a swift rapprochement with Pyongyang. Instead, we are doing everything within our power to force North Korea under China's heel and, in the process, perpetuate the existence of the same failed North Korean system--and regime--that we have sworn to destroy."

Passionate Arsonists
"Jennifer Kolar and Lacey Phillabaum seem unlikely criminals," declares an article in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Well-educated young women passionate about environmental causes, they share a love of the outdoors and similar backgrounds.

Then we get some background on them. Both attended the same high school in Spokane, Wash. Phillabaum was "bright, outspoken, sometimes in-your-face but never dull." Kolar, who studies science, "had the makings of a good scientist, her adviser said, but her heart seemed elsewhere."

Then we get to what they did:

The women were concerned about what was going on around them--the logging of old-growth forests, the slaughter of animals for sport. Like many Northwest activists, they pushed for change.

But their activism morphed into something more dangerous--and now both are headed to prison.

Before dawn on May 21, 2001, Kolar cut the glass that allowed fellow Earth Liberation Front members to sneak into the University of Washington office of professor Toby Bradshaw, who was studying the genetics of fast-growing hybrid poplar trees. Phillabaum's role is still unclear, but she was also on the scene, court documents show.

Bradshaw and other researchers at the UW Center for Urban Horticulture would be arriving within hours, so the ELF squad must have worked quickly to plant the firebombs--plastic buckets of fuel rigged with cheap digital timers, assembled in someone's garage. Their goal: destroy the research on genetic engineering of poplars to avert an "ecological nightmare" for native forests.

Mostly the piece is more puffery--we learn that Phillabaum "was socially conscious even as a teenager," that she had "a strong mind of her own," and that she once worked for a nonprofit where she was "an exemplary employee." Kolar is a bit less appealing: "bright and skilled but distracted" while in college, "passionate about animal rights." Her doctoral adviser says, "It's not the least bit surprising to me that she carried her passions that far."

But here's a question for you: Suppose this pair were "pro-life" rather than "environmental" activists. Suppose they had firebombed not a research lab but an abortion clinic--or, for that matter, suppose they'd firebombed a lab that conducted embryonic stem-cell research.

Would an establishment newspaper ever give them such favorable treatment?

The Clergyman and the Congressman
A man of the cloth has acknowledged that he and an underage Mark Foley disrobed together decades ago, but he denies that the pair "had sex," the Associated Press reports from Rome:

The Rev. Anthony Mercieca, 72, speaking by telephone from his home on the Maltese island of Gozo, said a report in the Sarasota Herald-Tribune about their encounters was "exaggerated."

"We were friends and trusted each other as brothers and loved each other as brothers," Mercieca said. Asked if their relationship was sexual in nature, the priest replied: "It wasn't." . . .

Mercieca told the AP in Rome that he and Foley would go into saunas naked when he was a priest in Florida and Foley was a parishioner, but he said "everybody does that." The priest also said he didn't think it was unusual to go on overnight trips with a young boy. . . .

In the newspaper article, Mercieca described several encounters that he said Foley might perceive as sexually inappropriate, including massaging Foley while the boy was naked, skinny-dipping together at a secluded lake in Lake Worth and being nude in the same room on overnight trips.

He was not quoted in the story as saying they had any "one night stands." However, the newspaper reported that he said there was one night when he was in a drug-induced stupor and he couldn't clearly remember what happened.

Call us a prude, but this does not sound as innocent as Mercieca makes it out to be.

Vlad the Impaler
Russia's President Vladimir Putin turns out to have some rather unenlightened ideas about women. London's Guardian reports that Putin made a remark "praising the president of Israel for alleged sex offences":

"He turned out to be a strong man, raped 10 women," the Russian president was quoted by Russian media as saying at a meeting in Moscow with Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert. "I never would have expected it of him. He has surprised us all, we all envy him!"

It's reminiscent of Clayton Williams, the unsuccessful 1990 Republican nominee for governor of Texas, who made a comment likening bad weather to rape, which was as offensive as Putin's remark and which we won't repeat because it has no news value. Williams lost to Ann Richards, but the Republicans ousted her four years later when they chose a more refined nominee.

Honor Roll
The New York Times reports that Sen. Bob Menendez of New Jersey, a Democratic appointee facing a tough challenge from Republican Tom Kean Jr., has endorsed independent Democrat Joe Lieberman over dependent Democrat Ned Lamont, bringing back to six the number of Democratic senators standing by their colleague.

Amusingly, Menendez made the announcement at an appearance before the Metro West Jewish Federation, just before Kean was supposed to appear at the same group. Menendez "warned the crowd that Mr. Kean . . . would try to tell the crowd that Mr. Menendez supports Mr. Lamont," and sure enough, when Kean declared his support for Lieberman and added, "My opponent, by the way, supports Ned Lamont."

A new Quinnipiac College poll shows Lieberman with a 52% to 35% lead over Ned Lamont, the Associated Press reports. That's a 17-point edge, up from 10 points in a Sept. 28 survey.

He's Proud to Be a Humble Hero
Yesterday we noted that Jim Webb, the Democratic Senate nominee in Virginia, had told the Washington Post that "I don't think it's right to use somebody's service directly for a political reason." We noted that in the past he had given support to John Kerry* and John Murtha as they were doing just that. The Media Research Center's Newsbusters.org notes that Webb has done so too. Here's the script for a TV ad that aired last month:

President Reagan: One man who sat where you do now is another member of our administration, assistant secretary of defense James Webb, the most decorated member of his class. James's gallantry as a Marine officer in Vietnam won him the Navy Cross and other decorations.

Announcer: Soldier, scholar, leader. Now Jim Webb is running for Senate.

The biography on Webb's campaign Web site touts his family's "strong citizen-soldier military tradition that predates the Revolutionary War." The bio is accompanied by three photos--all from Vietnam, two of which depict him shirtless.

On "Meet the Press" last month, Webb boasted of his Vietnam service and incumbent George Allen's lack of same, while hiding behind his son's uniform:

With respect to the French analogy, which he's used before, my, my Marine son was home, and he said, "Wait a minute, OK, the French did support Gulf War I. Dad, you were--you fought in Vietnam, George Allen didn't fight in Vietnam. Even the French fought in Vietnam." I mean, what have the French got to do with any of this?

It's hardly surprising that George Allen didn't fight in Vietnam. He completed his bachelor's degree at age 22 in 1974, the year after America cut and ran.

* Homer nods: Yesterday's item omitted the customary footnote. We regret the error.

We'll Take 'Em, We Just Won't Watch 'Em
Several readers have written to say the Washington Post story on which we based our Tuesday item about European hypocrisy over Guantanamo Bay was misleading, specifically the statement, "According to documents made public this month in London, officials there recently rejected a U.S. offer to transfer 10 former British residents from Guantanamo to the United Kingdom, arguing that it would be too expensive to keep them under surveillance."

Here is a report from London's Guardian that gives a fuller account of the British position:

On June 27 UK officials met US officials from the departments of state, defence and the national security council. Mr Richmond wrote of that meeting: "The US administration would only be willing to engage with the UK government if it sought the release and return of all the detainees who had formally resided in the UK (ie, regardless of the quality of their links with the UK), rather than just a subset of the detainees falling in that category."

Britain says the only way to meet the security conditions would be to have MI5 spy on them.

Mr Nye wrote: "The US administration envisages measures such that the returnees cannot legally leave the UK, engage with known extremists or engage in support, promote, plan or advocate extremist or violent activity, and further have the effect of ensuring that the British authorities would be certain to know immediately of any attempt to engage in any such activity."

But Mr Nye says the evidence and intelligence he has seen is not enough for a control order severely restricting their movements: "I am not satisfied it would be proportionate to impose . . . the kind of obligations which might be necessary to satisfy the US administration."

The measures the US wants in place would have to be enacted by MI5 and take effort and resources away from countering more dangerous terrorist suspects. Mr Nye wrote: "The use of such resources . . . could not be justified and would damage the protection of the UK's national security." He says the Guantánamo detainees "do not pose a sufficient threat to justify the devotion of the high level of resources" the US would require.

It seems a fair enough complaint that the Post story didn't capture all the nuances of the British position. On the other hand, if Guantanamo is really as bad as some British leaders say it is, you'd think they'd be willing to make some compromises in order to spring the men held there.

'Scientists Said'
The ozone hole above the Antarctic has been growing, but scientists expect it to shrink again, reports Carl T. Hall, science writer for the San Francisco Chronicle. Good news, right? Well, mostly, but the article ends as follows:

Scientists said they expect the ozone layer will have fully recovered sometime around 2065-2075--just in time for global warming to have a shot at destroying all life on Earth.

How much do you want to bet not one scientist actually said that? It certainly sounds to us as though Hall is using unnamed sources to get away with editorializing.

Homer Nods
The Amish and Latinos are two strikingly different communities, not "difficult" ones as we said in an item yesterday (since corrected).

The World's Smallest Violin
"Freed Nazi Guard Is a Man Without a Country"--headline, CNN.com, Oct. 18

What Would We Do Without Reports?
"Liberal 'Groupthink' Puts Professors at Odds With Most Americans, Report Says"--headline, Chronicle of Higher Education, Oct. 19

What Would Shiite Militias Do Without Experts?
"Shiite Militias Have to Go, Experts Say--but How?"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Oct. 19

What Would Some Women Do Without Experts?
"Experts: Some Women Perform Well in Math"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19

Wheat in Kansas
"Rice in Asia"--headline, "Marketplace" Web site (American Public Media), Oct. 19

Good News for Mournful Mets Fans
"Baseball Teams Endorse Caskets and Urns"--headline, Baltimore Sun, Oct. 19

Breaking News From 1889
"Dakota Divided as Abortion Vote Tests US Opinion"--headline, Financial Times, Oct. 19

John Wilkes Booth Remains the Top Suspect
"FBI Joins Lincoln Probe"--headline, Enterprise (Brockton, Mass.), Oct. 19

Between the Ears, a Grand Canyon

"Arizona Ranked Dumbest in U.S."--headline, Arizona Republic, Oct. 18

"First-Grader Sets Himself on Fire During Fire Safety Class"--headline, Arizona Daily Star, Oct. 19

Mobile Home
"Neighborhood House Keeps Moving Forward After 100 Years"--headline, Seattle Times, Oct. 20

Political Correctness Can Kill
"Job at PC Plant May Raise Risk of Cancer Death"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 19

Wow, That Is Saucy!
"Saucier Couple Says of Gunman: 'It Was Him or Us' "--headline, WLOX-TV Web site (Biloxi, Miss.), Oct. 18

So Much for the Power of Positive Thinking
"Bird Flu Vaccine May Be More Protective Than Thought"--headline, Canadian Press, Oct. 18

First They Came for Pluto . . .
"Pa. Board OKs State Mercury Reduction Plan"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 19

Dept. of Redundancy Dept.
"Austrian Removes 'Sexist' Urinals"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19

News You Can Use
"Treasury's Paulson: 'Don't Spend More Than You Earn' "--headline, NewsMax.com, Oct. 19

Bottom Stories of the Day

• "Spanish King Denies Shooting Drunk Bear"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19
  
  
• "U.S. Alters Its Spelling of Ukraine City"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19

Great Moments in Higher Education
Brian MacLean, a professor at Toronto's York University, has a prescription for marijuana "for an undisclosed illness," the CBC reports. But he refuses to set foot on campus because "there is no place at work where he can smoke it":

"I have to medicate a lot," he says. "There's no issue here, well, can I restrain my medication on campus? No, I can't." . . .

MacLean says he tries to be discreet by rolling the marijuana to make it look like regular filtered cigarettes and walking to the edges of campus to smoke.

But that's a problem, he says, because there is little privacy and he feels that passersby are passing moral judgment on him.

And he fears that it may be raising more than just a few eyebrows.

"Students come to class and smell it," he said. "They are not going to say anything to me but they are going to talk to other people about it.

"So there are damages to my reputation which I can't specify and I don't know how the university plans to deal with that, but they are going to have to."

In order to be freed from worrying about what other people think of him, MacLean is demanding that the university build a specially ventilated room just for him. Wow, what has this guy been smoking?

(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Rod Pennington, Thomas Brueckner, Jack Archer, Greg de Mocskonyi, Doug Bentley, Jerry Skurnik, Matthew Beck, Joel Goldberg, Patrick Spero, Ian Fraley, Gregory Richardson, Mark Kirby, Bill Levenson, Steve Prestegard, Geoff Hazel, Jeremiah Calvino, Brendan Schulman, Steve Zinecker, Jim Moran, Mark Schulze, Ethel Fenig, Joseph Tully, Laura Elion, John Williamson, Brian Henry, Sean Small, Don Wolch, John Forsberg, Aaron Sichel, Tomas Nally, Jeff Dobbs, Blaise Rhodes, Andy Phillips, Dave Hughett, Scott Munro, William Katz, Kyle Kyllan, Peter Iorio and Donald Walker. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Review & Outlook: Our defense budget is too small.
• Daniel Henninger: Joe Lieberman rediscovers belief in Connecticut.
• Peggy Noonan: FDR and Reagan had more fun than their successors do.
• The Journal Editorial Report: Tune in this weekend for an interview with Mark Steyn, plus a discussion of Tennessee's Senate race and the Dangerfield economy.

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• Review & Outlook: Are you cheering for the immigrants in the World Series?
• Tony & Tacky: "Antibullying" and other items on the Democrats' agenda.
• Steve Moore: Know who will win the election? Bet on it!
• Julia Vitullo-Martin: What explains why Boston flourishes while Philadelphia flounders?
• Mark and Minyoung Wyman: For our wedding we wanted a Latin Mass. It wasn't easy.