From the WSJ Opinion Archives
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We're
Winning. Uh-Oh!
Our already good mood brightened further this morning when we read this Associated
Press dispatch from Washington:
One senator said U.S. troops are routing out al-Qaida in parts of Iraq. Another insisted President Bush's plan to increase troops has caused tactical momentum.
One even went so far on Wednesday as to say the argument could be made that U.S. troops are winning.
These are not Bush-backing GOP die-hards, but Democratic Sens. Dick Durbin, Bob Casey and Jack Reed. Even Sen. Carl Levin, chairman of the Senate Armed Services committee, said progress was being made by soldiers.
This doesn't necessarily mean these senators will abandon their calls for retreat, but it does seem likely that, come next month, those Democrats who do want America to win in Iraq--as well as Republican weak sisters, who've feared that they'll pay a price politically if they don't jump on the surrender bandwagon--will have an easier time voting their consciences.
On the other hand, it's doubtful that this will change the politics of the Democratic presidential race, where the core voters have always opposed the war and, failing that, favored retreat.
Actually, when you think about it, it's amazing how similar the 2008 race is to the 2004 race. We have a formidable establishment candidate who originally backed the war, then changed his mind (John Kerry then, Hillary Clinton now); a challenger who has opposed the war all along, and who is clearly out of his depth (Howard Dean, Barack Obama); and a third guy who stands around looking pretty (John Edwards, John Edwards). The biggest difference is that Mike Gravel doesn't quite have the gravitas of a Carol Moseley Braun.
This year, of course, everyone seems to think the Democrats are very likely, even guaranteed, to win. That's because, unlike in 2004, George W. Bush is very, very unpopular. The biggest danger for the Dems, then, is that their nominee will figure out that Bush is not on the ballot and won't know what to do.
Say
It Ain't So!
From the Hill:
Congress's failure to secure a timetable for withdrawing American troops from Iraq has split anti-war activists on the tactical question of whether to attack Democrats, who now control Capitol Hill.
The split has also underlined accusations among some activists that MoveOn has abandoned its credentials as an issue-based advocacy group and now instead provides cover for Democratic Party leaders.
We guess we should apologize for our August 2003 characterization of MoveOn as a "far-left, pro-Saddam group." It seems they're actually just a bunch of partisans. How disappointing.
Bad
News for Obama
"Third Foot and Mouth Outbreak Suspected"--headline, News.com.au,
Aug. 9
John
Edwards, China Needs You!
"Behind the Bamboo Curtain: One year from the start of the 2008 Olympics,
there's a China they want you to see . . . and one they don't."--headline
and subheadline, ESPN.com, undated
Who
Moved My Cheese?
Remember that old lady who sued and won some unspeakable amount of money after
she spilled McDonald's coffee on herself, then became a symbol of the out-of-control
plaintiffs bar?
Young Jeromy Jackson seeks to supplant her. The Record, "West Virginia's legal journal," reports on Jeromy's lawsuit against the Golden Arches, in which he seeks $10 million in damages:
Jackson, his mother Trela Jackson and his friend Andrew Ellifritz filed a suit July 18 in Monongalia Circuit Court against the popular fast-food chain because Jeromy Jackson is allergic to cheese.
According to the suit, Jackson, his mother and friend went to the drive-thru at the McDonald's on Chaplin Road in Morgantown on Oct. 30, 2005. Jackson claims he ordered two "Quarter Pounders" without cheese, stating he was allergic to cheese.
"From this point forward, Mr. Jackson repeatedly asked as to the status of his food and whether it had no cheese, and took multiple preventive steps to assure his food did not contain cheese," the suit says.
The suit says Jackson received his food, bit into one of his sandwiches and immediately began to have a severe allergic reaction.
So apparently the "multiple preventive steps" he took "to assure his food did not contain cheese" did not include looking at the damn sandwich before eating it!
Food allergies are no laughing matter. If Jeromy is as severely allergic as he says, and if he really is this careless about what he eats, he may not survive long enough for the case to go to trial.
Beyond
Satire
See if you can guess from which publication this is exerpted:
Soon after the album's release, Pimp C went to prison, where he served almost four years on charges stemming from an aggravated-assault conviction. Bun B lobbied tirelessly for his imprisoned partner, shouting, "Free Pimp C!" whenever he got near a microphone, which was often. . . .
Their lyrics chronicle a Texan underworld full of pimps who talk slick, pushers who talk tough, snitches who talk too much. . . . In a silky song called "Gravy," Bun B waxes physiological: "When I put one up in your dome/You'll be leakin' out plasma and pus, and your mouth'll fill up with foam." . . .
Gangsta rap, broadly speaking--streetwise protagonists, explicit lyrics, hard-boiled stories--turned out to be hip-hop's future, to the consternation of gripers past and present. Southern gangsta rap, in particular. It's now clear that Bun B and Pimp C were ahead of their time. . . .
Meanwhile, Bun B is the diplomatic wordsmith, respected and even beloved by his peers. He is equally capable of an unexpected insight or a brute-force barrage of steady syllables, with shifting stress patterns and varied line lengths to keep listeners off balance. . . .
There is plenty of old-fashioned trash talking here. More than once, Bun B reminds listeners that he and his partner have brash new nicknames: Big Dick Cheney and Tony Snow. Throughout these two CDs, kilos are sold, foes are threatened, cars are painted and repainted, prostitutes are put in their place. . . .
Like all veterans, these two look back fondly on the world that made them. It's nostalgia, but if anything, it's nostalgia for a crueler world, not a gentler one. All these years later, their seeming nihilism seems more like integrity: a clear-eyed commitment to an old-fashioned ideal, despite its contradictions.
Surely this is part of the reason they have lasted so long, and aged so well. In their rhymes you can hear the irrational, irresistible process by which bad old days are transformed into good ones.
Give up? Here's a hint: "gray lady." Here's another "paper of record." Yup, this is the kind of stuff that appears these days in the New York Times.
This
Story Has Legs
From an Associated Press dispatch, dateline Tampa, Fla.:
A 6-year-old boy stood before a judge and said he wanted his stepfather to go to jail for kicking him so hard that it snapped his right thigh bone.
Circuit Judge J. Rogers Padgett complied Tuesday, sentencing George Allen Ross to 11 years in prison.
Ross had pleaded guilty to one count each of child abuse and aggravated child abuse. Besides breaking the boy's leg, Ross also was accused of punching the boy's older brother in the stomach in January 2006.
In February 2004, authorities said, Ross broke the younger boy's other leg.
This is a horrifying story, and we hope Ross serves his full prison term, so that by the time he gets out, the boy will be 17 and able to defend himself.
What caught our attention, though, was the next paragraph:
"Thank God he doesn't have a third leg because that would probably be broken a year later," prosecutor Rita Peters told Padgett.
This belongs in some kind of hall of fame for bizarre non sequiturs.
Terrorism's
Latest Victims
"Hispanic Population in Gregg County Explodes"--headline, Longview
(Texas) News-Journal, Aug. 9
But
Majorities Still Form the Majority in the Majority
"Minorities Now Form Majority in One-Third of Most-Populous Counties"--headline,
New York Times, Aug. 9
Shouldn't
They Have Gone to School Before Becoming Teachers?
"Dodd Announces K-12 Education Plan for NH Teachers"--headline, Associated
Press, Aug. 9
'Everything's
OK, A-L-A-M-A-Z-O'
"Tutu Tells Kalamazoo: Even Americans Can Learn to Forgive"--headline,
Kalamazoo (Mich.) Gazette, Aug. 8
'All
It Takes Is Faith and Trust. Oh! And Something I Forgot! Dust!'
"Peter Pan Tries to Recover From Salmonella"--headline, Washington
Times, Aug. 9
The
Conference Rooms Were All Booked
"Meeting on I-471 Ramp Tonight"--headline, Enquirer (Cincinnati),
Aug. 9
Adam
and Eve?
"Skull Suggests Two Early Humans Lived at Same Time"--headline, FoxNews.com,
Aug. 8
Seems
Awfully Casual for a Memorial
"Memorial Ride Slated for Shorts"--headline, Martinsville (Va.) Bulletin,
Aug. 8
Purple
Dinosaurs to Compete With Camels
"Dubai Firm Raises Bid for Barneys to $942M"--headline, Crain's New
York Business, Aug. 8
Worst
Case of Carpal Tunnel Ever Reported
"General Blames Clerical Errors in the Case of Missing Arms"--headline,
Washington Post, Aug. 8
We
Thought It Was Colonel Mustard in the Library
"Breast Implants Linked With Suicide in Study"--headline, Reuters,
Aug. 8
Breaking
News From 1989
"Germany Struggles to Save Berlin Wall"--headline, Associated Press,
Aug. 9
News You Can Use
- "Keep Poop Out of Pools, Residents Told"--headline, Daily
Herald (Provo, Utah), Aug. 9
- "Relief From Excessive Armpit Sweating"--headline, NewsMax.com,
Aug. 8
- "Hips: Scheme to Widen in Five Weeks, Say Lobbyists"--headline, Financial Times, Aug. 3
Bottom Stories of the Day
- "Segway Fan Club Disbands Due to Lack of Interest"--headline,
FoxNews.com,
Aug. 9
- "Joan Jett Won't Be at the State Fair"--headline, Pioneer
Press (St. Paul, Minn.), Aug. 8
- "Pakistan Parade Could Be in Doubt"--headline, New
York Sun, Aug. 9
- "Angelina Jolie Denies Endorsing Edwards"--headline, CNN.com,
Aug. 9
- "Leonardo DiCaprio's Presidential Vote Up for Grabs"--headline,
People,
Aug. 9
- "Canadian PM Vows to Defend Arctic"--headline, CNN.com, Aug. 9
How
Much Is That Doggess in the Window?
"The New York City Council, which drew national headlines when it passed
a symbolic citywide ban earlier this year on the use of the so-called n-word,
has turned its linguistic (and legislative) lance toward a different slur: bitch,"
reports the New York Times:
The term is hateful and deeply sexist, said Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word, saying it creates "a paradigm of shame and indignity" for all women. . . .
The measure, which 19 of the 51 council members have signed onto, was prompted in part by the frequent use of the word in hip-hop music.
As a New York-based wordsmith, we are of course vexed by the City Council's efforts to restrict our vocabulary. Fortunately, the Times suggests an alternative to "bitch," in the form of a definition from an 1811 dictionary: "A she dog, or doggess; the most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman."
"Doggess." That seems to work: "She's such a doggess." "Life's a doggess, then you die." "I can't say it, but it rhymes with roggess."
But the Times notes that "the bill also bans the slang word 'ho.' " Great. What are we supposed to say instead of "ho"? "Gigoless"?
(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Ed Lasky, Steve Karass, Mary Ann Lomascolo, Greg Lindenberg, Mike Glasgow, Brian Timpone, Bill McGowan, Michele Miller, Terry Files, Karen Schulthes, Ami Avivi, Don Stewart, Tim Willis, Margaret Diefenderfer, David Torbeck, John Pinnell, Kevin O'Connor, Bill Ferris, John Heiss, Marion Dreyfus, Robert Broom, Mark Davies, Christian Peck, Zabelle Huss, Noah Bryson, Marc Burningham, John Williamson, Ken Pieper, Ted Permuth, Ray Hull, Boze Herrington, Bob Schulte, Scott Hill, Brian Jones, Charles Murphy, Jim Lucas, Marc Rosaaen, Ivan Osorio, Bruce Goldman, James Chen, Brian Azman, Ron Finch, Steve Edwards, William Katz and Joel Goldberg. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)
Today on OpinionJournal:
- Review & Outlook: The separation of powers protects Congress too.
- Dan Henninger: One man's play about the Medal of Honor transcends politics.
- Brian Wesbury: How the media promote false pessimism about the economy.
